When It Hurts Too Deep To Weep

By Albert Kang


Mary (not her real name) came for counseling after she heard my Sunday’s message on how God can heal inner hurts and pains. The prim and proper lady in her mid-thirties sat facing me and next to her was one of our lady associate pastors. In a stoic manner, she shared her inner struggles as if she was talking about someone else’s pain. Her gaze was at the table in front of her but she was actually looking down the hallway of time and memory. Her pain was hidden by the walls she had so successfully built up over the years. As she droned on, tragic tales of being raped and violated by the one whom she trusted – her father.


I advised her to avoid the detailed descriptions and took that short interruption to pray for her. Then the crack came – a soft sobbing amidst the prayer. When I opened my eyes, I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. 
Mary’s hurt was deep… very deep indeed – too deep to even weep about it. She was not only violated at a very young age but when she told her mother about the rape, she was promptly blamed for her father’s offense. In fact, her mother was so afraid of him that there was absolutely no confrontation to resolve the matter.


For years, Mary was treated by her parents as, in her own words, “the blood-sucking witch of the family”. Within her hurting heart, she reluctantly accepted all the blames and unfair treatments. The sexual abuse did not stop until she was 17 and only after she went to stay with her grandmother in another part of Singapore. 


At the time of counseling, Mary was about 35 years old and her mother had since passed away. Her father had had a stroke and she and her only brother placed him in a nursing home. Mary came back three more times for counseling and prayer. Her disposition was getting better with each visit. Subsequently, she was able to look at us in the eyes and even smiled. Something had happened inside this lady. Some emotional walls had crumbled and come crashing down. In fact, God was doing His healing miracles – transforming those walls to become bridges.


What happened next shocked all of us. One Sunday, Mary, along with her brother, wheeled a feeble elderly man in a wheelchair into our church service. I suspected it was her father but that was too much of a miracle for me to take in one gasp. What type of forgiveness was that? Later, I learned that Mary had taken the forgiveness from God and offered it to her father. Her father wept and begged her forgiveness, she said.  A full reconciliation followed suit, and that day saw the power of God’s love in action. Mary’s father subsequently accepted Jesus as his Lord. Another piece of good news is that Mary is now married and has become a mother of two children.


This is one of the most amazing inner healing cases that I have ever encountered. Why was Mary able to forgive her father? Why was she able to stop blaming herself? How did she overcome her fear of men and got happily married to one of our church leaders? 
Here are six things that Mary did after she received the healing Word of God.


1. Her Pain Was Real
After Mary heard the Word of God that Sunday, she refused to ignore her inner hurts and pains any more. For years, she had buried these under piles of work. As long as she kept herself busy, she could easily shove them away. Whenever she found a solitary moment, depression hit her. Self-hatred and self-blame became the order of that instance. She had become so tired of being controlled by such negative thoughts that she followed her friend’s advice to seek help and attend our church. By refusing to lie to herself, she took the first step to recovery.


2. Her Blame Was Real
Silently, Mary blamed herself for all the tragic events. She hated herself as much as she hated her parents. When her mother passed away, she did not shed a single drop of tears. She felt that she was not the ideal daughter to her mother. She said that in a way, she was happy that her mother was no longer around to make her feel guilty. She discovered that she had also indirectly blamed her brother for not protecting her. All these barriers were torn down after she spent time with the Lord following the first counseling session. Each time the depressive thoughts came, she rebuked them in the name of Jesus. She actually stood up and commanded these thoughts to leave because all the past hurts and pains had been carried by Jesus on the Cross. She declared loudly that they had no hold over her!


3. Her Fear Was Real
Being an intelligent person, Mary noticed that she was behaving different from all her colleagues and friends. Each time the girls in the office talked about guys, she would excuse herself to the toilet. She was afraid of men and wanted nothing to do with them. When her male boss talked to her, she would look at the floor. To numb her pain, she quietly drank alcohol in her own bedroom so as to avoid being discovered by her brother. She only stopped drinking when for a couple of mornings she was too sick to go to work. The hangovers were getting the best of her. Having a healthy relationship with a man was definitely not on her list of needs. Men, to her, were just too untrustworthy and dangerous to mess with.


4. Her God Is Real
When Mary came to accept Jesus Christ as her Saviour, she had become quite desperate. Suicidal thoughts had become too regular for her to ignore. She finally confided with a friendly Christian colleague. The thought of having God as her Heavenly Father was difficult at first. The only father she knew had abused her; how different could this Heavenly Father be? Through regular encouragement from her cell members and her own prayers, Mary had learned to love this Heavenly Father and become very attached to Him. The best part was that she was willing to obey every word of the Bible, although many of those scriptures caused her great discomfort. I believe that it was her genuine desire and sincere faith in God that helped her recover so rapidly.


5. Her Hope Is Real
Mary has learned a powerful secret of recovery: hope in Jesus. She said that the Lord had gone through far worse than what she had ever done. She recognized that she could bring all her sins and shames to the Cross and that was what she frequently did. During her recovery, Mary was regularly comforted by 1 Peter 1:3-7 that speak of the fact that we may suffer some trials in this life but God “… in His great mercy, has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade”. 


6. Her Security Is Real
Today, Mary’s security is in God even though she appreciates her supportive husband and all the encouragement and love given by Christian brothers and sisters. Her father has gone to be with Lord. Her brother has migrated to Canada. Mary is actively serving God with her family in the new church that her husband pioneered. She gives thanks to God for fully restoring her in both emotion and spirit. She says, her miraculous recovery is best described by Psalm 18:16 - “He reached down from on high and took hold of me, He drew me out of deep waters”.

Four Words That Make Life Worthwhile

Over the years as I’ve sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life’s challenges, I’ve come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.


First, life is worthwhile if you LEARN. What you don't know WILL hurt you. You have to have learning to exist, let alone succeed. Life is worthwhile if you learn from your own experiences—negative or positive. We learn to do it right by first sometimes doing it wrong. We call that a positive negative. We also learn from other people's experiences, both positive and negative. I've always said that it is too bad failures don't give seminars. Obviously, we don't want to pay them so they aren’t usually touring around giving seminars. But that information would be very valuable—we would learn how someone who had it all then messed it up. Learning from other people's experiences and mistakes is valuable information because we can learn what not to do without the pain of having tried and failed ourselves.


We learn by what we see, so pay attention. We learn by what we hear, so be a good listener. Now I do suggest that you should be a selective listener; don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory. We learn from what we read, so learn from every source; learn from lectures; learn from songs; learn from sermons; learn from conversations with people who care. Always keep learning.


Second, life is worthwhile if you TRY. You can't just learn; now you have to try something to see if you can do it. Try to make a difference, try to make some progress, try to learn a new skill, try to learn a new sport. It doesn't mean you can do everything, but there are a lot of things you can do, if you just try. Try your best. Give it every effort. Why not go all out?


Third, life is worthwhile if you STAY. You have to stay from spring until harvest. If you have signed up for the day or for the game or for the project, see it through. Sometimes calamity comes and then it is worth wrapping it up. And that's the end, but just don't end in the middle. Maybe on the next project you pass, but on this one, if you signed up, see it through.


And lastly, life is worthwhile if you CARE. If you care at all you will get some results, if you care enough you can get incredible results. Care enough to make a difference. Care enough to turn somebody around. Care enough to start a new enterprise. Care enough to change it all. Care enough to be the highest producer. Care enough to set some records. Care enough to win.


Four powerful little words: learn, try, stay and care. What difference can you make in your life today by putting these words to work?


—Jim Rohn

These 33 minutes will change your life!

Watch this '180' video and consider its message:
These 33 minutes will change your life!
http://www.180movie.com/


Endorsements

	“I give my unflinching, joyful, trembling Yes to '180'. Unflinching, because it's right. Joyful, because it's good. Trembling, because this our defeated enemy is still vicious.” John Piper - Pastor for Preaching and Vision, Bethlehem Baptist Church
	“Extremely convicting.  It made me question my courage.  I pray it causes many to evaluate their silence.” Francis Chan - Pastor & Best-Selling Author
	“My friend Ray Comfort has produced a powerful piece of media that leaves a lasting mark on your heart and mind. '180' is 33 minutes of video adrenaline, shock, and hope. As defenders of the unborn and messengers of the Gospel of Life, we need to see this video and share it with as many people as we can.” Kirk Cameron - Actor and TV Co-host
	“Engaging, balanced, effective and disarming.” Nick Vujicic
	“Watch this video now…and then pass it on to everyone you can. ‘180’ is a poignant, eye-opening, heart-wrenching film that exposes the moral darkness of our hearts and the hidden horror of our culture—all through the lens of the indescribable love of our God.” David Platt - Senior Pastor, The Church at Brook Hills, York Times Best-Selling Author
	“You've just got to see this, because, in mere seconds, literally in seconds, people are flipping from being pro-choice and that abortion is okay, to being pro-life…and the arguments are so winsome and powerful!” Frank Pastore - Frank Pastore Show, KKLA
	“One of the most important films of its kind ever created!” Jack M. Zufelt - Success Expert and best selling author of, The DNA of Success
	“This film has the potential to change the course of our nation.” Eric Hovind - President, Creation Science Evangelism
	“'180' is an eye opener, a ‘game changer,’ sure to turn many lives around. Thank God for this film which shines the light of truth on the evil of abortion.” Dr. Alveda C. King - Founder of King for America
	“This was a riveting presentation of historical precedent and logical deductions…” John Reynolds - Co-Founder SoldiersBibleMinistry.org
	“'180' is brilliant! You can’t help but be moved by it.” Howard Conder - co-founder and host, Revelation TV
	"'180' is the most gripping video I’ve seen this year.” Penny Young Nance - President, Concerned Women for America
	“Very powerful . . . It will change lives.” Larry Gatlin - American country music singer/songwriter
	“'180' is the most powerful production of its kind that I have ever seen.” Allan Parker - President, The Justice Foundation
	“Amazing…really powerful and inescapably compelling logic.”  Dr. Carl Moeller - President/CEO, Open Doors USA
	“A life-changing message that will impact the nation.” Bill Gothard
	“Incredible. It’ll blow you away!” Jill Stanek
	“With one question, Ray Comfort shows how you can change minds, save lives, and awaken the conscience of a nation.  Why hasn't anyone thought of this until now?” Dr. Frank Turek - Founder & President of CrossExamined.org
	“Powerful, disturbing…‘180’ is our wake up call.” Francine Rivers - author of The Atonement Child
	“Absolutely amazing!” Abby Johnson - author of Unplanned
	“Totally incredible!” Skip Heitzig - Pastor, Calvary of Albuquerque
	“Truly revolutionary and inspiring!” K.P. Yohannan
	“Brilliant and powerful.” Joseph Farah - CEO WND.com
	“Life-changing!” Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar - TLC's 19 Kids & Counting
	“Mind-blowing and unforgettable!” Randy Alcorn
	“Brilliant...” Kay Arthur
	“Riveting!” Joni Eareckson Tada
	“I am absolutely in awe at this!” Janet Parshall
	“Ray Comfort’s bracing questions cut like a laser through all the mindnumbing… compelling those he interviews to grapple with life, death, and eternity.” Dr. Kenyn M. Cureton - Vice President for Church Ministries, Family Research Council, Washington, DC
	“As one who was scheduled to be aborted, this astounding video struck me at my core that this is needed more now than ever. It is more than powerful...it is a vehicle of God's voice to this generation, and must be seen!” Ron DiCianni
	“Paradigm Shattering! A most powerful message that will change and save lives!” Johnny Berguson - Pres. Kingdom, Inc.
	“You don't view this video. You experience it!” Garry T. Ansdell
	“After viewing 180 last night one couple wanted to invest in a couple of thousand copies, and give them away in the surrounding neighborhoods near our church.” Trisha Ramos (TX)
	“Leaves you utterly speechless! 180 is going to change the direction of the nation.” Stacy L. Massey - president, Abortion Recovery International
	“Riveting, shocking, jaw-dropping!” Allen Atzbi

Being An Indian-Type Friend

"Share each other's troubles and problems, and so obey our Lord's command."¹

The North American Indians had no written language before they met the white man. Their language, however, was far from primitive. Many of the Indians had as many words in their vocabulary as their English and French exploiters. Some of their words were much more picturesque, too. For example, "friend" to the Indians was "one-who-carries-my-sorrows-on-his-back."

Everybody needs at least one trusted "Indian-type" friend with whom he or she can share his or her deepest sorrows and painful feelings. We all need a helping hand and a listening ear when we're going through difficult times.

How do we find such a friend? First, by praying and asking God to help us to be an "Indian-type" friend to others. And then by asking God to help us find such a friend.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, help me to become a true ‘Indian-type-safe-burden-bearing friend’ myself and be supportive of others in need. And please help me to find a friend with whom I feel safe to share all my sorrows, failures, struggles, and problems—as well as all my successes and joys. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus’ name, amen.”

1. The Apostle Paul, (Galatians 6:2, TLB).

By Dick Innes

He Did Not Pray To Win

My son Gilbert was eight years old and had been in Cub Scouts only a short time.  During one of his meetings he was handed a sheet of paper, a block of wood and four tires and told to return home and give all to "dad".

That was not an easy task for Gilbert to do.  Dad was not receptive to doing things with his son.  But Gilbert tried.  Dad read the paper and scoffed at the idea of making a pine wood derby car with his young, eager son.  The block of wood remained untouched as the weeks passed.

Finally, mom stepped in to see if I could figure this all out.  The project began.  Having no carpentry skills, I decided it would be best if I simply read the directions and let Gilbert do the work.  And he did.  I read aloud the measurements, the rules of what we could do and what we couldn't do.

Within days his block of wood was turning into a pinewood derby car.  A little lopsided, but looking great (at least through the eyes of mom).  Gilbert had not seen any of the other kids cars and was feeling pretty proud of his "Blue Lightning", the pride that comes with knowing you did something on your own.

Then the big night came.  With his blue pinewood derby in his hand and pride in his heart we headed to the big race.  Once there my little one's pride turned to humility.  Gilbert's car was obviously the only car made entirely on his own.  All the other cars were a father-son partnership, with cool paint jobs and sleek body styles made for speed.

A few of the boys giggled as they looked at Gilbert's, lopsided, wobbly, unattractive vehicle.  To add to the humility Gilbert was the only boy without a man at his side.  A couple of the boys who were from single parent homes at least had an uncle or grandfather by their side, Gilbert had "mom".

As the race began it was done in elimination fashion.  You kept racing as long as you were the winner.  One by one the cars raced down the finely sanded ramp.  Finally it was between Gilbert and the sleekest, fastest looking car there.

As the last race was about to begin, my wide eyed, shy eight year old ask if they could stop the race for a minute, because he wanted to pray.  The race stopped.

Gilbert hit his knees clutching his funny looking block of wood between his hands.  With a wrinkled brow he set to converse with his Father.  He prayed in earnest for a very long minute and a half.

Then he stood, smile on his face and announced, 'Okay, I am ready."

As the crowd cheered, a boy named Tommy stood with his father as their car sped down the ramp.  Gilbert stood with his Father within his heart and watched his block of wood wobble down the ramp with surprisingly great speed and rushed over the finish line a fraction of a second before Tommy's car.

Gilbert leaped into the air with a loud "Thank you" as the crowd roared in approval.  The Scout Master came up to Gilbert with microphone in hand and asked the obvious question, "So you prayed to win, huh, Gilbert?"

To which my young son answered, "Oh, no sir.  That wouldn't be fair to ask God to help you beat someone else.  I just asked Him to make it so I don't cry when I lose."

Children seem to have a wisdom far beyond us.  Gilbert didn't ask God to win the race, he didn't ask God to fix the out come, Gilbert asked God to give him strength in the outcome.  When Gilbert first saw the other cars he didn't cry out to God, "No fair, they had a fathers help".

No, he went to his Father for strength.  Perhaps we spend too much of our prayer time asking God to rig the race, to make us number one, or too much time asking God to remove us from the struggle, when we should be seeking God's strength to get through the struggle.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Gilbert's simple prayer spoke volumes to those present that night. He never doubted that God would indeed answer his request.  He didn't pray to win, thus hurt someone else, he prayed that God supply the grace to lose with dignity. 

Gilbert, by his stopping the race to speak to his Father also showed the crowd that he wasn't there without a "dad", but His Father was most definitely there with him.

Yes, Gilbert walked away a winner that night, with his Father at his side.

By Peggy Porter

The Dash

by Linda Ellis 

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matter not, how much we own,
the cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

Live Your Prayers

I knelt to pray when day was done
And prayed, "O Lord, bless everyone,
Lift from each saddened heart the pain
And let the sick be well again."

And then I woke another day
And carelessly went on my way,
The whole day long I did not try
To wipe a tear from any eye.

I did not try to share the load
Of any brother on the road.
I did not even go to see
The sick man just next door to me.

Yet once again when day was done
I prayed, "O Lord, bless everyone."
But as I prayed, into my ear
there came a voice that whispered clear,

"Pause now, my child, before you pray.
Whom have you tried to bless today?
God's sweetest blessings always go
by hands that serve him here below."

And then I hid my face and cried,
"Forgive me, God, I have not tried,
But let me live another day
and I will live the way I pray."

- Author Unknown