The God Who Refuses To Let You Die!

Are you looking for the meaning of life? Are you suffering from some major mistakes? Are you ashamed of what you had done? Is your past haunting you?

Type 51 Chinese Pistol

You are looking at the blog of a man who had been through all these. I was so embarrassed by my mistakes and sins that I had wanted to shoot myself in the head with a Chinese pistol.


After my pastoral ministry and marriage failed, I hid in Cambodia. The shame was unbearable. One night, I took out the Chinese pistol that I bought and put it to my head. A voice said that it would be better to end it all. I felt that not only the whole Christian community had condemned me... and worse than that, I felt that even God did not want me any more.


I had messed up and deserved to die! That voice kept ringing in my ears, pestering and pushing me into the deep darkness of that terrible night. Before I could pull the trigger, another louder voice suddenly thundered through the sound of my sobbing. That voice was loud but gentle. That voice said that God had not given up on me if I were not to give up on God.


The presence of God was suddenly in that room. When we hit bottom and have nowhere else to go, we can always be assured that God will be there. When all our friends and loved ones reject us, we can be assured that God would always be our comfort and joy.


Perhaps you can identify with me. You may have done things that you are really ashamed of. Perhaps you are living in fear that your dirty little secret might one day pop up and destroy your reputation and life. You may have been part of a good Church but no longer attending because you feel that God may not tolerate someone like you. You may feel that you are beyond hope.


If you feel that way, you are not the first. The Bible has many stories of people who messed up. One distinct difference is that they refused to stay messed up. They called upon God and rose up to take on new challenges. They understood the mercy and grace of God; they got back on the path of recovery. 


We may stumble and fall. We may be so ashamed of our mistakes and sins that we just want to wallow in our failure. We just don't want to try any more. Then God would come in the person of Jesus Christ who lovingly coax us on. With His nail-scarred hands, He would pick us up and put us on our feet again. God is the God of second, third, fourth, fifth... hundredth chance. As long as you still have life, the game is not over yet. 


Rev Albert Kang